2 min read
Wondering how to appropriately react when your child upsets you or does something unacceptable? Parenting expert Marie Marchand spoke to us about the powerful tool of using “I” messages.
“I” messages defuse conflict by avoiding accusatory or escalatory language. In a parent-child interaction, an “I” message is a style of communication that focuses on the parent’s feelings rather than accusing the child, which is called a “you” message. It is a way of expressing your own needs and feelings in a respectful way that doesn’t shame or blame the child. Saying “I felt let down” as opposed to “you broke your promise” is less likely to garner a defensive reaction.
Parents can use an “I” message when they want to express themselves without blaming, judging, or negatively labeling their children. When applied correctly, “I” messages help parents state their feelings and needs so that their child can change their behavior and cooperate. When used correctly, “I” messages foster positive communication in relationships and teach empathy. Sharing feelings and thoughts in an honest and open manner can help parents and children grow closer on an emotional level. In fact, ‘I’ messages are effective in all relationships. They encourage ownership of emotions.
There are usually four parts to a parent’s I-message:
Situation 1: A father wants his child to stop running across the street.
Situation 2: A mother becomes angry when her teenage daughter borrows her sweater and returns it with stains.
The more you practice, the more natural you will sound! Remember to be very careful when using “you” messages as they can badly affect your child’s self-esteem.
Marie Marchand, founder of Parenting Dialogue, parent, City Kids pre-school principal and co-author of bestselling children's book Home from Home, has over 29 years of international experience teaching in Canada, Switzerland and Hong Kong. She is asked by parents, schools and different organizations to run private sessions, workshops and seven-week courses on all matters relating to successful parenting and teaching.
This article was independently written by Healthy Matters. It is informative only and not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should not be relied upon for specific medical advice.
Healthy Matters is Hong Kong’s leading health resource. Our mission is to help you make better health decisions and take control of your health.
Our team of experts is committed to producing reliable health content that is accurate, engaging and relevant, to cover your health & wellness journey from prevention to treatment.
Whether you are looking for trusted information on health conditions, wellbeing or looking for the right doctor or service in Hong Kong, we’re here to help!
Your health matters. Begin your health journey with Healthy Matters today!